What I’d Tell My 16-Year-Old Self

Today I turn 21. And as a 21-year-old, I'll be the first to admit: I know close to nothing. But in the past few years, these are some of the ideas that have most changed my life. I'm still learning (and usually failing) to live this out, but maybe something here can encourage you, too. Also, I doubt any of these things are original, but I have forgotten where I first heard them (though it was probably Jonathan Pokluda). I am certain, however, that I wouldn’t be who I am today without these things, and I desperately wish I had learned all this sooner.

1. Choose to believe before you understand.

There will be parts of the Bible that don't seem fair, don't seem practical, and don't seem like they could possibly work: commands to forgive your enemies, to pray for those who hurt you, to count suffering as joy. But God doesn’t ask us to obey once it makes sense to us. He asks us to trust that He knows what He’s doing.

2. God doesn’t need you to impress Him.

The first verse of Jireh entirely changed the way I related to God: “I'll never be more loved than I am right now. I wasn't holding You up, so there's nothing I can do to let You down.” If you didn’t impress Him into loving you, you can't disappoint Him out of it. You’re not earning God’s love by how many Bible studies you go to, what grades you make, or how much you volunteer at church. You're already loved, and you're free to live like it.

3. Feelings are real, but they’re not reliable.

You can feel tired and still need to read your Bible. You can feel annoyed with your family and still need to be patient. You can feel like you’re alone and still be fully loved by God. C.S. Lewis said, "The presence of God is not the same as the feeling of the presence of God. He may be doing the most for us when we think He is doing the least." If you let feelings drive you, they will drive you straight into a ditch.

4. Don’t follow your heart until you’ve informed your heart.

"Follow your heart" sounds great until your heart wants everything that will destroy you. Your heart will always want what it’s fed. If you're feeding it worldly ideas about relationships, money, or happiness, don’t be surprised when it starts leading you away from Jesus. Don’t be entertained by the things that Jesus died for.

5. Obedience matters more than the outcome.

God didn’t say to share the gospel if you thought people would listen. He didn’t say to forgive if you thought it would heal the relationship. He didn’t say to give to the poor if you could guarantee they wouldn’t waste it. Obedience isn't about outcomes; it's about faithfulness. Your job is to obey. The results are up to God.

6. Don’t expect people who don’t know Jesus to act like people who do.

It’s weird how Christians are shocked when non-Christians act like… non-Christians. Christians have to stop being scandalized by lostness and start being heartbroken by it. Broken people don’t need us to show them all they're doing wrong; they need us to show them Jesus.

7. Confession and accountability set people free.

As I mentioned before, we are often hesitant to actually believe what God tells us. James 5:16 says, "Confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed." In other words, God has given us the secret to finding freedom from sin, but most of us would rather live half-healed than actually tell someone the truth about what’s wrecking us. Shame’s power comes from it being unspeakable, so freedom doesn’t come when you try harder; it comes when you drag the sin into the light and kill it. Accountability isn’t legalism. It’s rescue.

8. You become what you consume.

If you binge six hours of Netflix every night and spend 3 minutes skimming your Bible, your soul is being shaped, just not by Jesus. If you’re too full on the world, you won’t have any hunger left for God. You can’t be filled with the Spirit when you’re full of the world.

9. Dependence is the goal. Weakness is the advantage.

If you never feel desperate for God, you are either numb or self-sufficient, and both are deadly. God often stacks the odds against Himself, just to show off that His strength wins anyway. Weakness isn’t a problem. It’s an invitation for God to move.

10. Gratitude turns what you have into enough.

If you are ever feeling ungrateful, just remember that your life is full of things that other people are praying for. Gratitude isn’t about pretending everything is perfect. It’s about remembering you deserve the worst and got Jesus instead. It’s about remembering that if God chooses to take my life today, I am not a victim. It’s about remembering that everything is God’s mercy, even the hurt and disappointments.

11. You can’t be grateful for what you feel entitled to.

If you want to know what you are entitled to, look at what you complain about. Entitlement is a gratitude killer. If you think you deserve a boyfriend, a better house, an easier life, or anything at all, you’ll never be thankful.

12. You’re becoming what you’re training to become.

You won't magically wake up faithful at 40 if you're training yourself to be comfortable at 31. You’re either training for obedience or for apathy. 

13. Don’t take advice from someone you wouldn’t want to trade places with.

If you wouldn’t want their marriage, their prayer life, or their eternity, be careful about letting them shape yours. It’s important to surround yourself with people who are willing to speak into your life, but make sure they’re ahead of you in the places you want to grow, not behind you. 

14. The reason there are so many lost people in the world is because there are so many people hiding in the church.

The world is full of people who prayed a prayer but never picked up a cross. It’s easy to claim Christ and live exactly like everyone else. Jesus didn’t save you so you could blend in. There are people in the world desperate for hope–desperate for Jesus–waiting for someone like you to tell them.

15. Reaching the nations isn’t the job of missionaries. 

There is no “missions optional” version of Christianity. “Go and make disciples of all nations” wasn’t a side quest. Imagine what might happen if Christians chose to spend a few days on their vacations serving. Every Christian must ask themselves, “Where in the world can I do the most good for God?” and if that’s not where you are right now, then maybe it’s time to truly choose obedience over the outcome. The Great Commission is not for the “radical few.” It's for every person who’s been saved.

16. Jesus died for your “enemies,” too.

He didn’t just die for the people you like. At the risk of being both politically and theologically controversial… He died for terrorists, illegal immigrants, for corrupt politicians, for the person who hurt you the most. There is no category of person beyond the reach of the cross. If Jesus didn’t give up on them, you don’t get to either. 

17. Starve the Enemy.

Whatever you feed will grow. If you keep feeding lust, comparison, or bitterness, don’t act shocked when it takes over your life. Satan will always try to make you focus on the one thing you don’t have. Starve his lies by fixing your eyes on everything you already have in Christ. Don’t give him a foothold in your life. 

18. Good things become bad things when they become ultimate things.

Family, career, even ministry… none of them were meant to be your Savior. When a good thing becomes your ultimate thing, it’ll eventually crush you. Keep the Giver above the gifts.

19. Indulgence is the thief of motivation.

Discipline now = freedom later. Comfort now = regret later. If you’re waiting until you "feel like" doing the hard things God is calling you to do, you’ll waste your whole life.

20. It’s okay if people hate you because of Jesus. It’s not okay if they hate Jesus because of you.

If people hate you because you’re arrogant, self-righteous, or obnoxious, that's not persecution. That's just you being a jerk. Be bold enough to be hated for your faith, but kind enough that they know Who you belong to.

21. Following Jesus should affect every part of your life.

You don’t get to segment faith into Sundays and spare time. He’s either everything, or He’s nothing. Following Jesus must change the way you approach relationships, the kind of jokes you tell, the people you hang out with, the media you consume, the way you talk about others, the way you spend your money, and ultimately, who you live your life for. 

In conclusion…

If you don’t believe anything else I have said so far, I hope you’ll believe this: following Jesus is always worth it. Not because it’s easy. Not because it always feels good. Not because it will make you popular, successful, or admired. But because He is the prize. He is the treasure. He is the only thing in this world—and the next—that won’t let you down.

You will have days where it feels like you’re running uphill in the dark. You will have days where you feel like you're failing more than you're growing. You will have days where obedience seems pointless, where sacrifice feels unseen, and where faith feels foolish. You will have days when you want to quit. But here’s the thing: the reward is not a more comfortable life. It’s not applause or admiration. The reward is Jesus. And He is worth everything.

As St. Ignatius once said, “Pray as though it all depends on God. Work as though it all depends on you.” Take the next step of obedience, even if it feels small, and even if you fall flat. I'd rather fall into the water trying to walk in faith than spend my life standing on the shore wondering "what if."

If you have trusted Jesus, you can know beyond a shadow of a doubt that there is nothing left for you to do in hell. You are already forgiven. Already free. Already home.

Live like it.

Fall into the fight. 

Stay in it even when it hurts.

And my prayer, as C.S. Lewis once voiced, is that when you die, all of hell rejoices that you are out of the fight.